ENVY, a collection
by lotus head
Summary: Chapter 3 up! Haru. [She’s such a sweet, loving, perfect person. I don’t hate her, not at all, but I do envy her.] ::SLIGHT MANGA SPOILERS::
1. kyo

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**disclaimer**

I no own. I own dryer lint, candy wrappers, and teh computer. I don't even own teh Fruits Basket anime. I only own a hundred or so badly translated Furuba manga chapters on my computer.

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**envy**/

–_n, _a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages

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He has _everything_. He's loved by everyone. Always the "golden child" of the Somha house. They have him on display on a pedestal, while I'm tossed away in the trash.

Everyone is always cooing over him, over his _flawlessness_.

He has the looks, the grades, heck; he's even without difficulty stronger than me. Putting through no effort to have what I've spent years of my life working towards. He has the place I've always wanted, the place in the zodiac.

From the moment he joined in Shishou's training, a year later than when I first started to train earnestly. After abruptly appearing, without warning, at _my_ training. The look of quiet amazement on Shishou's face the first time he beat the senpais. when Haru came back a few months later constantly praising Yuki. It hurt, these people were my friends. The rat took almost everything from me, and now was he back to take the rest of it? And my friends, Haru, Kagura, _everyone_ betrayed me, being so friendly with my enemy. I knew, I could _feel_ it, an aching, dark feeling deep in my bones, in my head, that he was taking over my place.

To have a place in life, that is an important thing. I want to be allowed to participate in the banquet, to be part of the zodiac, to have a future _so_ bad, I would do anything. To have a purpose, to be acknowledged as an equal, not a monster. If I had that chance, I would make the most of it, and finally be a part of things, _my_ part that the rat stole from me. Stolen because he's a selfish bastard, cold and unfeeling and _just so cunning_, so _ruthless_.

He doesn't deserve it. Throughout his life, he's been handed things, never having to do anything for himself. He lived such a pampered life he can't even do simple chores. Such a girly boy should be better at things like that, at being a housewife. He looks the part, after all.

This person, this _rat_, has been given everything he needs. Told to sit there and look pretty and be _perfect_, what he does best. Beauty is skin deep, and that _thing_ was nice to look at but greed and pathetic and egotistical and altogether _ugly_ inside.

A fact only I seemed to see.

I'm the _disgrace_, he's the _prince_. The _irreplaceable, perfect prince._ That's how it's always been. So self-centered, so spoiled, and then he tries to give me sad looks and worry Tohru needlessly with whatever's running through his royal head.

Automatically, people adore him. Everyone listens to him, wants to be around him. No one ever criticizes him, ever. Whereas me, I can be ignored, put down. Even people who don't know _what_ I am, criticize me but _never_ him.

I can't even imagine how wonderful his childhood was. Undoubtedly, full of indulgent parents, the best of schools, riches and toys, whatever he wanted. Look at Haru, look at Ayame. They're smitten with that selfish fool, always treating him delicately. Constantly trying to win his favor, trying _so_ hard. And he pushes them away, everyone. So no one can break through the flawless mask, to see the useless and spiteful side underneath, the one that used people, used _everyone_ for his own benefit.

He doesn't know what it's like to have no future to look forward to except for a lifetime of darkness and solitude in a bleak and empty room. To be reminded constantly that soon, they will lock you away. To have the guilt of ending two lives on your shoulders, knowing if you had done something differently, that _my mother, Tohru's_ _mother_, they would still be alive.

I don't think he even knows what it's like to be hated, to be hurt. Nothing can touch him, because he's above it all, just because he's Akito's favorite. The closest to God.

No one has ever treated me with the care they show him.

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by T.E.B.E.-sway- completed 12/06/06, **edited 12/06/08**

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Okay, some things I wanted to point out. I know there are a lot of untrue things in here, that aren't fact. But this is the /opinion of Kyo, not the facts.

**Notes on this (elongated) edited chapter-**

**I just added a few sentences and paragraphs here and there. I hope it still fits!**

**And also, when I said that Yuki joined Shishou's martial arts class a year later than Kyo started his official training, I totally made that up. But I figure Akito would've held all the power over Yuki's decision to train, and would be reluctant to give Yuki up.**

**And to my reviewers! (all 3 of 'em. emo)**

**Thanks to you nice reviewers, especially Mayuko-chan, I decided to see what I could do to make it longer. I think I got a bit repetitive, but I'm happier with it now. And yes Emmski, I am doing Yuki's POV also. I just need to make some (a whole bunch) of changes, and I'll have it up.**

**Thank you to those of you who reviewed, youshi, Emmski, Mayuko-chan. Your reviews meant a lot to me! (and gave me courage to write more. )**

REVIEW!


	2. yuki

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**disclaimer**

I no own. I own dryer lint, candy wrappers, and teh computer. I don't even own teh Fruits Basket anime. I only own a hundred or so badly translated Furuba manga chapters on my computer.

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**envy**/

–_n, _a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages

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Many things I've wanted throughout my life, he has, and he ignores.

He is always pitying himself and talking about what a _freak_ he is. But, unlike me, he fits in with them. He can make friends easily, he attracts people.

He's always had friends, always been _allowed_ to have friends. From the first time I saw him when I was small, in the car with my mother; I knew "_this_ _person is different from me." _I never was jealous back then. I only wanted to know this person, that he was the cat or anything else didn't matter to me.

I feel jealousy, now. I want to be loved. To be cherished by parents. Blood is thicker than water, but love is needed more than either- although many disagree. In this family, blood is above all else. And look where we are.

I want to know what it's like to be held dear by parents, or a parent. I want them to be proud of me. I know I shouldn't be so jealous of his relationship with Shishou, but I am. _I was there too, why didn't anyone love me!?_

To be part of this family, he says. He wants to be part of this family? He can have it, he can have /this. If I could, I would beyond doubt give him my spot in this wretched family. But, I won't. I'm too afraid of Akito, what he'll do to me. But in my mind, he has this. Let the idiot cat realize just how stupid he is. He deserves this, for /wanting this.

He is free, free beyond comprehensible thoughts, as I have never known that freedom. Although he ties himself down with his fears of being locked away, with his guilt, with his misplaced anger. He is so afraid of being shut away, he lets the future scare him. He lets the future blind him to his surroundings. Because /his problems are on the surface. Because he is the cat, the hideous, nauseating cat, he has the sympathy. The pity, everything. I exist too, damn it! I am not here to look pretty, I am not here to /stand around, to be played with and then thrown away.

_When the doll breaks, toss it away. When Yuki becomes too mental, when Hatori scolds, when Haru tattles, toss it away. _

There is nothing in all the old Zodiac legends that talk about sealing away the rat. Or the cat, for that matter. But I wonder, what is so different /this time, that the rat suffers like the cat does? Although I suppose it's only fitting. Rats are filthy and disgusting, and are treated like such. It's natural to hate them. Rats ought to be in darkness.

This is the main difference between Kyo and me. I am a weak person, and he is a strong person. I don't have the strength to show my true feelings. I don't have the strength to hate anyone. I can't even hate Akito, I feel only fear. I don't have the strength to run away from everything, to live on my own. I don't have the strength to kill myself, to commit the _ultimate form of running away_, the _ultimate show of defiance_.

When Kyo hates someone, he puts his whole heart into it. While I was unsure, he knew what he felt and hated me with his whole being.

The rat is meant to be hated. The cat is meant to hold blame.

But it's almost easier to be hated because of what you look like, rather than for the kind of person you are.

It's easier to blame, then to atone.

It's easier to be hated half-heartedly, than to be hated by many and hated by yourself.

He tries to be jealous of _me_, calling me _spoiled_ and _loved_ by everyone.

I suppose I am spoiled, always Akito's favorite, always sheltered from the world, although I'm not so sure that's such a good thing. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but I don't think that is true for everything. Sometimes, if it doesn't kill you it breaks you.

Kyo is not broken. Kyo is afraid, but not broken.

He doesn't know what it's like, to be hated unconditionally for being what you are, to be so _pathetic_, so afraid and boring and _unnecessary_.

And because he doesn't know, it becomes a little easier to hate him.

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by T.E.B.E.-sway- completed 12/06/06

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Again, some things may be untrue. This is the opinion of Yuki, not the fact.

Whoo… finished. I actually had the main part (or rough draft, I guess.) finished, but I worked really hard to make it longer. Like the last chapter, I think I was repetitive. And this chapter was more self-hatred than envy. But, I think Yuki is like that, so whatevah! (lol)

This could be the last chapter of this… I have gotten 4 reviews. Do I suck so much that people won't review for me!? Wah. Anyways, if you people can give me more reviews, I'll continue this with other characters. Just tell me what you thought of the Kyo and Yuki ones, and I'll do a character of your request!

REVIEW!


	3. haru

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**disclaimer**

I no own. I own dryer lint, candy wrappers, and teh computer. I don't even own teh Fruits Basket anime. I only own a hundred or so badly translated Furuba manga chapters on my computer.

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**envy**/

–_n, _a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages

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Envy is not something I feel often.

I used to feel jealous of everyone else, of blindly believing that I'm a stupid person. I was jealous of everyone who wasn't stupid. I was jealous of the rat, for being smart, for being praised. For being god's cherished one.

Since Yuki opened my eyes, I rarely feel envy. When I'm white I feel apathy, or loyalty, when I'm black I feel anger.

It's wrong of me, I know, to be jealous of her. She's such a sweet, loving/perfect person. I don't hate her, not at all, but I do envy her.

To be able to help the people I love, the people I am loyal to. I should be happy simply because they're /changing. Even if they're changing for the better without me.

I saw the blush on his face when she called his name. The nearly carefree smile on his face, the smile rarely seen, is on his face because of her. That smile makes me so happy, but then I remember /why it's there and the happiness lessens, only slightly.

One thing I can say /I did, though, is get him out of that house. He has his sanity because of me. But I don't feel pride, I feel shame. That I didn't save him before that.

And Rin, she has a new friend in Tohru. Barely a week of knowing her, and she trusts her almost as much as she trusts me, a trust we've built up over years.

She's not afraid of Akito. When I couldn't protect Yuki, couldn't protect Rin. If she was in my place, she could do it.

Still, I don't hate Tohru, the outsider, the newcomer. More than envy, I am grateful. For the changes she has brought. For helping Yuki forget. For making Rin happier.

I can forgive them, because they ignorantly use cruel words.

I can forgive her, because she has done nothing that requires forgiveness.

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by T.E.B.E.-sway- completed 12/12/06

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Again, some things may be untrue. This is the (my fictional idea of the) opinion of Haru, not the fact.

This is done by the request of youshi! I'm sorry if I didn't quite get it right. It was a bit hard to do Haru's. I hope this wasn't too confusing. I decided to make him jealous of Tohru mostly, but I hope I didn't overdo it and make him seem mad at her… I don't think there's any spite, only jealousy. Also, this one is (quite) shorter than the others. I tried to make it longer, but… it didn't turn out that way.

About the reviews! I have gotten a grand total of 5 reviews. It kind of hurts my feelings… If you don't like my story enough to review, well, that's a pity. But you could still tell me what I'm doing wrong, right?

BTW, I'm still open to do more requests for people!

REVIEW!


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